10:37 PM

I hate these people and I hate this trend. Its like I am the only one that doesn't belong anywhere and I hate it! Everytime I hang out with people they find a way to ditch me...I just want it to stop. I want a group of friends who won't leave me and will actually care! I would ask if that's what you want to, but right now I feel like the whole world is against me.

12:24 PM

I feel lost. I am utterly and completely confused as to where I stand and what I stand for and where I want to go with my life. I'm not depressed and it's not my fault. I just don't know how I feel anymore. It seems to me like everyone knows what they are doing and where they are going with their life. I have no idea anymore. I mean, I am making decisions, but I am not actually excited about any of them. I don't want to be doing what i want to be doing anymore. Anyways, what is up with you guys, home you are doing?

12:50 PM

You know how everyone always talks about their home away from home or their second family and stuff like that. Well, I was finally reunited with mine this week. My second family is my cross country team. I feel like I can tell those girls anything and everything and it is really refreshing to have a group of friends who wants to hang out with you and talk to you and I absolutely love it. I also love that we bond over something that we all have the same mixed emotions about. All of us love to run and compete, but we also love to complain about having to run and compete. I also love that each year when the team starts up again, It is as if nothing has changed and we pick up right where we left off.

6:37 PM

So I have had some time to think and I feel like I need to give you guys a little bit more about me. However, I am not just gonna go right in and give you the deep stuff. That comes with time and confidence (which I am lacking at the time being). I will let you in on my quirky addiction to exotic pets. I have always wanted to own an animal that is both weird and slightly vicious. The first and foremost of those animals being a Capuchin monkey. I either want to name this monkey Dexter from the movie Night at the Museum or Marcel from the T.V. show Friends. Next on the list of exotic pets would be a racoon. In a dream world, it would be a talking racoon like Rocket from the movie Gaurdians of the Galaxy, however, since that is not possible, I will settle for a normal one and name it Gizmo. The third and finally exotic pet that I would like to own is a wolf simply for the reason that they are so beautiful. I don't know what I would name it though...suggestions?

4:58 PM

Everybody has a comfort object. Most of the time it is an object from childhood. It could be anything from a stuffed animal to a cd or a toy. Personally, I take my comfort object everywhere I go. Another thing is that object normally symbolizes someone or something. My stuffed animal is Stitch from the movie Lilo and Stitch. In the movie, there is a saying, " Ohana means family and family means no one gets left behind or forgotten." That is a very important value to me because my family is very disjointed and broken, but when we need each other, we always pull through. So there you go. I actually kind of planned this post and as an added bonus...it has something deep about me in it.

3:05 PM

There is a weird controversy over being left home alone. A lot of people. or at least the ones on T.V., would immediately start planning a party. Others binge watch Netflix and eat crap  food all night. Don't get me wrong,,, those things have come to mind, but I have reached the age where I actually feel more restricted than free. Another thing I hate about being left home alone is that this thing happens where my mind goes into overdrive. I get this list of things I need or want to do in my head that I feel an obligation to do. For example, right now I am home alone and I have to put up a blog post, create a music playlist, research some things, etc. Is that even normal? Maybe it's just me... maybe I am just really weird. However, this whole dynamic will change in exactly one week when I take my drivers test and hopefully get my license. After that, everything gets flipped.

1:12 AM

I am not crazy. I take that back. Everyone is crazy, but that's not my point. I just like to dream. That sounds better. I like to dream. No one can judge you for dreaming. In fact, that's what the whole world does wrong. We are always trying to impress. So what happens when that disappears? Me? I make stories. I make up stories in my head and pretend to have somewhere to be, something to do, and someone to impress. Well, I'm done. I'm tired of being bored. Think about it. If you say you are bored you are basically saying that no one is tying you down and you don't have to impress them. To tell you the truth, I don't know why I tried to impress in the first place because it is impossible. Back to the original point. I wasted three pages of notebook paper trying to write something of substance that would impress people and then at 1:00 in the morning, I say "screw it, I'm going to vent my feelings."  Yep, and now I can't sleep! You know what is so dumb though? After I write an entire page about how you shouldn't try to impress people, I am here thinking about how to impress YOU! So it's official, the trick to this thing is to not think.